Digital Magic Beans is a parody.

These beans have no investment value, no resale market, and no expectation of return. This is not a security, not a token, not a cryptocurrency, and not advice. Paid beans are mechanically identical to free beans — all paid revenue is donated to charity. The joke is that we're honest about it.

About Digital Magic Beans

A full parody disclosure, because honesty is the whole joke.

What is this?

Digital Magic Beans is a parody of cryptocurrency culture. Real cryptocurrencies dress up intrinsically worthless tokens as serious financial instruments, burning staggering amounts of energy and capital into speculation. We're doing the same thing, except we're going to be honest about all of it upfront.

Your beans are worthless. Your beanstalks are worthless. The entire economy is a joke executed earnestly, and the punchline is that it's more transparent than most real crypto projects.

How does it work?

You sign up, you get free beans from the faucet. Each bean has a strand of procedural DNA that determines what your beanstalk looks like when you plant it. Beans come in rarity tiers — Common through Mythic — but tier is a difficulty setting, not a ceiling. A humble Common bean, tended with patience, can grow just as tall as a Mythic.

Planting consumes the bean. What remains is a beanstalk. No breeding, no offspring, no seeds dropping from the top. Just a unique procedural plant that is entirely, deliberately, proudly pointless.

What about money?

Eventually (not yet), you'll be able to pay real money for beans. All paid revenue is donated to charity. The beans you get for money are mechanically identical to the beans you get for free. There is no pay-to-win. There is no win. There are only beanstalks.

FAQ

Is this real money?
If you pay for beans, yes, real money leaves your account. The beans themselves are worth nothing. See above.
Can I sell my beans?
No. There is no resale market, no marketplace, no exchange. Your beans are yours and they are worthless.
Is this a real cryptocurrency?
No. There is no blockchain, no wallet, no token, no distributed ledger. It is a web app with a SQLite database and a lot of earnest silliness.
Where does the money go?
To charity. All of it. We take nothing for "operational costs". The joke only works if we actually do it.
What's the investment potential?
None. Zero. Negative, in fact, if you count the time you'll spend tending beanstalks. There is no expectation of return. This is disclosed aggressively and repeatedly, as it should be.
Why?
Because the parody only works if someone builds it seriously. And because beanstalks are nice.

Legal notice: Digital Magic Beans is not a security, not a financial instrument, not an investment vehicle, not a cryptocurrency, and not advice of any kind. Participation is purely for entertainment. Any money paid is a donation to charity. You will not get it back. You were warned. Multiple times. On every page.